operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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