I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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