I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
