he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
