Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
