This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize