Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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