TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
