I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Two words: blizzard sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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