I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
