Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
