your parents love me but you hate me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I want her autograph on my taint
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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