I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
