Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
