I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What drink are we having for lunch?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
