and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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