It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
