i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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