Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
