if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize