He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
