someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
