Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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