I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
