If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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