just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
