Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
