drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
