it's too hot outside to masturbate.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
