he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
