Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
