1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
