The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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