No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
