Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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