I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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