The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
