at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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