So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry my hands just texted you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
