Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
