She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize