When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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