We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
