I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
