is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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