great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
