First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
