Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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