im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I will pee on everything he values.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
