i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
