hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize