he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
