bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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