Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
