it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
