Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
