There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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