Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
