I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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