my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
