yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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