she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
