I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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