Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
