eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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