Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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