Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
