Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
