Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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