Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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