I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
