There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
