She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think my fart just growled at me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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