I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize