Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
