so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
